Monday, 29 August 2016

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 7.21 End of Days

The Dish: If you're a hot chick with superpowers, scythe matters.

HOT! Scythe matters



King Arthur ain't got nothing on our home girl Buffy. Not only was she able to pull it out of the stone like a knife out of butter, and use it to kick Caleb's woman-hating ass, but that scythe goes down in history as the world's most badass olive branch. Okay, the Scoobs were totes ready to bring Buff back into the fold anyway, but how much easier was it when she showed up with a shiny new toy like that? (Plus it helps that Buffy was pretty clutch at saving bomb victims). The entire first act of the episode can be summed up with 'Hey, I know we've been through some shit, but look at this cool scythe! Besties?'.


It was a small moment, but I couldn't help but giggle at Willow's 'scythe matters' joke, for a number of reasons. First, any dick jokes crack me up. Second, she directed it at Giles, and you know I love any inappropriate sexy jokes with authority figures -- yes, they're all grown-ups now, but there's a part of the younger Scoobies who will always see Giles as librarian. Also, in telling that joke, the Scoobies easily slipped back into their regular group dynamic. The same dynamic that took down far lesser evils, like the swim team fish monsters, or Darryl the dead guy. If they can still keep their humor up for the ultimate fight, that's a damn good sign.


Also, Dr. Holden would be so proud of only child Buffy. When she checked on the wounded Faith, she let her hold her precious scythe, and didn't balk when Faith also said it felt like it belonged to her. In this scene, Buffy didn't worry about who's the boss, who's the general. She acknowledged Faith as her equal and that's what they need in terms of their relationship, and in getting through the big fight together. Score one for sandbox psychology!

NOT! Benching Xander



Okay, Buffy's little speech to Xander, that 'I trust you with my life, blah blah blah' riff, was pretty adorable, and may or may not have caused me to shed a tear. And on a big sister level, I get it, wanting to keep Dawn as safe and sound, and away from the final fight as possible. But come on, B, what was with that Aladdin moment last season, where you told Dawn 'I can show you the world'? Let's say Team Good Guy loses, and the apocalypse is brought forth. Wouldn't you want to be close to your sister, and one of your besties, when it happens? And what if you win? How amazing will it be to have fought alongside Dawn and Xander, two of the people you love most in the world, and get to hug them when it's over? Yes, there's a chance Dawnie will bite the big one, but there's a chance she will going on patrol, or even going to class -- it is Sunnydale High after all...or was.


Another thing...I get that Camp Summers is armed to the teeth with weapons. But they're more of the old school, knife and stake variety. Do they just keep chloroform on-hand? I feel like that's a tad dangerous, especially in a house that contains dolts like Andrew and the Potentials. And where the hell did Dawn get a taser? Did Riley leave it behind when he up and left Buffy? Between the chloroform and the taser, are the Scoobies shopping at Rapists-R-Us?

NOT! Dumbledore you ain't



I'm thrilled that Willow and Giles got one last research session in before the end of the show. They touched on Willow's season-long arc, which is her fear to magic and lose herself to the dark side, even if that magic is necessary to save the world. But a couple words of encouragement from Giles would have been nice. I mean, come on, in a season full of rousing pep talks, we can't squeeze one more in? It so would have been the perfect book-end to his 'you may not be wanted but you will be needed' speech he gave Willow in England. I've always said that the relationship between Willow and Giles, for me, is one of the most fascinating on the show, because Giles sees himself in Willow. But here, we just get Giles asking Willow if she can do what's necessary, and Willow saying she's not sure. Realistic? Sure. Satisfying? Absolutely not.

HOT! The perfect woman



Andrew detractors really flummox me. The guy has such crackling chemistry with just about every Scooby he encounters, and this episode's pairing with Anya was one of my faves. All their silliness aside, it's Anya's dynamic with Andrew that gives her the ability to express her take on humanity. Since she lost her powers, Anya has struggled to fit in in the human world, and she is finally able to hit the nail on the head. Her words were sort of a Glinda Good-Witch opposite side to Glory's 'six billion lunatics' coin, and were quite poetic in the blunt way that is exclusively Anya's. And who doesn't love a wheelchair fight?

HOT! The best night of my life



You know how you can have a perfect connection with someone over the course of one night, whether it's sex, or just love and cuddling, like what happened with Buffy and Spike last ep? Then in the harsh light of the day, everything can shatter. Buffy and Spike were skirting around each other as if that might happen, but how earth-shatteringly beautiful was it when they were open and honest with each other, and found out they both felt the same way? Just when I thought Spike was god of romance for his 'hell of a woman' interaction with Buffy, he goes and outdoes himself with telling Buffy that the night they spent together, where they were intimate in emotion only, was the best night of his life. I already lost it when he said that, but when Buffy said she was right there with him, I was a drowning in a puddle of lovey-dovey rose-colored tears. Buffy even acknowledged the possibility of a future for them after the big battle. So imagine my crashing disappointment when...

NOT! Yeah baby, I'm back



Angel shows back up. Every other time I have watched this episode, the romantic in me was thrilled when Buffy got one last liplock with her one true love, Angel. While I still maintain that Buffy's soulmate is Angel, him showing up and them gettin' kissy with it plain and simply shits all over that beautiful moment with Spike. Buffy can never be with Angel, but there's a real possibility she could be with Spike, should they win the big battle. This Harlequin romance crap just made me feel funky. And it certainly wasn't worthy of being the final cliffhanger of the entire bloody series.

FASHION SLAYER! Buffy the Vampire Slayer



At the very beginning of the season, I crowned Buffy the first Fashion Slayer, for a return to her Slayer chic look. And oh, how she has kept that up this season. I loved her simple jean jacket, and that cute ponytail -- does she really have that much hair? Also, that little flower elastic is all kinds of early 2000s vintage. Where she found the time to wash her hair and perfectly apply her subtle makeup, in between tending for wounded Potentials and playing nicely with Faith, I'll never know. But that's just the mystery that is Buffy Summers.

That's all for me this week, my lovely readers. What did you think of the penultimate episode of this wonderful series? Where does Spike's 'best night of my life' speech rank in the list of best Spuffy moments? Seriously, is there really a Rapists-R-Us in Sunnydale? And if so, why didn't Warren work there? Do you dig Buffy's Season 7 look? Post a comment and let me know. Check in next Tuesday for my final blog entry on 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'.

Dish later;
Liz

Monday, 22 August 2016

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 7.20 Touched

The Dish: It's the end of the world...let's bone!

HOT! General Liz Faith



Umm, remember when Buffy was all drinkin' the crazy juice and concocting cockamamie schemes to attack Caleb? Who was it who suggested they go after the Bringers? Oh yeah...ME!! And after the Faith and the Potentials shook their squabbles out and Faith took charge, lo and behold, what did they do? Kidnap a bloody Bringer! (And yes, I have seen the show once or twice, but Season 7 really does not take up much space of my memory. I genuinely forgot about Operation Bringer). Overall, I agree with Giles, that Faith is doing just fine. I mean, who else got a full body tingle when Faith told Kennedy to back the hell down? Her whole 'I'm not Buffy but I'm not one of you either' speech was exactly what the girls needed to hear. Really, Faith has grown leaps and bounds. Her biggest fear has always been that Buffy is out to get her, and the First played upon that perfectly, with the refreshing return as the Mayor. But whereas in the past, Faith would play into this idea and explode into a geiser of chaos and anarchy, she held her ground.

HOT! The return of Throbbin' Wood



Of course, it helps when you have a hot principal to keep your mind clear and your bed warm. Hey, after that kitchen brawl it would appear that any hopes I had for Faith and Spike to get frisky are dashed, so she needs someone. I dig the connection between Faith and Wood. Both have a parental figure who was brutally ripped away from them, and the First has preyed upon that. Plus, there was some definite chemistry last episode. But hell, even if these reasons didn't exist, they're both smokeshows, ergo they should bone. I have to say, I did feel a little sorry for Wood the next day, when Faith just dismissed him in front of the group. But I think it was necessary. A big bone of contention the group had with Buffy was her romantic attachment to Spike. As her replacement, Faith needs to show the girls that this isn't 'The Bachelor'. It's war.

HOT! Scarlett O'Hara by candlelight



I really think I was onto something when I wrote that as a person, Kennedy is a waste of skin. Worse, an annoying, noxious waste of skin. But as Willow's lover, she shows glimmers of likability. Same thing this episode. Who else wanted to feed her an acid cocktail when she thought that General Faith meant General Kennedy? But I'll give this to her, in addition to just being horny as hell, Kennedy is highly attuned to Willow's needs. There's a lot of pressure on our favorite redheaded Wiccan, and boy does her bottle need uncorking. Man alive, that sex scene was all kinds of hot. So in summary, while Kennedy may be a great fighter, she's a better concubine.

HOT! A hell of a woman



The likes of Edward Cullen and Christian Grey ain't got nothing on how romantic Spike is. Phew that speech, half love confession, half motivational. Who did not tear up at that? If you recall, after every season I do a Best and Worst Of blog, in which I list each character's best moment. For Buffy, I give her two, best moment as the Slayer and best moment as Buffy. As the Slayer, Spike really pulled Buffy out of her funk. As a woman, she finally got closure with her relationship with Spike. They did not have a traditional relationship road, especially from Buffy's perspective. For her, the love came after the sex. We've dealt a lot with her psyche, her superiority complex and her inability to connect. If Spike has taught Buffy anything, it's about loving unconditionally and I believe that is why Buffy asked Spike to stay, because never has she felt more wholly loved than by him. Fellas take note, when your girl is down in the dumps, this is what to say to her.

HOT! Buffy takes such sweet pleasure in taming the woman-hating jerk





Scoobies, sometimes you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Your whole kicking Buffy out of the house riff just made her loot a house and curl up in a ball. Spike gives her a pep talk, and whadda ya know, she gets one over on Caleb. Honestly, I think after General Buffy lost her rank, it freed her up to become just Buffy, who in addition to being a hell of a woman, is a hell of a Slayer. I mean, when was the last time we saw her having fun with slaying? It feels like eons ago that she whipped out the witty banter. And it's that banter that gets in Caleb's head and makes him a shittier fighter. Buffy can't touch him in terms of brute strength, but with her newly found 'clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose' mentality, she pulled one over on him, and got a shiny new weapon as a reward.

FASHION SLAYER! Buffy the First



I'm surprised it took this long for Caleb to get all hot, bothered, and distracted by Buffy the First. That girl is sex on a stick. I'm jealous. Seriously, the First may be evil, but it can just materialize however it wants. Meaning, no time has to be spent maintaining hair and makeup. And the superheroes wonder why being evil is so seductive.

That's all for me this week, my lovely readers. What did you think of the episode? Which sexual encounter did it for you the hardest? How is Faith doing as General? Should Coach Eric Taylor join this new Spike and Andrew show I'm concocting? Post a comment and let me know. Check in every Tuesday for my last two Buffy blogs.

Dish later;
Liz

Monday, 15 August 2016

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 7.19 Empty Places

The Dish: Caleb takes such sweet pleasure in taming Buffy...and the Scoobies send her out to pasture.

HOT! The end is nigh for the town of Sunnydale


I've long since come to the conclusion that the residents of Sunnydale know that their town isn't like other towns. That something goes bump in the night. To an extent, even if they don't know what the Slayer is, they know they are protected...plus I hear the housing prices are crazy low. But it's a dire state of affairs when people are leaving their homes en masse. I wonder if the new mayor sent out a town-wide announcement, or word spread about a crazy, not at all sexy, misogynistic preacher. Even demons, like the adorable Clem, are skipping town. Also, let's talk about those cops. Is it just me, or are these boys in blue about twenty years younger than those of yester-seasons? They're certainly angrier. There's got to be a chronic feeling of futility, being a cop in Sunnydale, which must be hella amped up when the collective town pulls a skedaddle, confirming that they really have no faith in the cops' ability to protect them. At this point, I'm all for an empty Sunnydale. I only get three more episodes with these people. I don't need anymore new faces.

NOT! No more fun and games


How gut-wrenching was that hospital scene with Xander? It's funny. Of all the Scoobies, Xander has always been one of the most willing to lay down his life to fight alongisde Buffy against evil. So, in the grand scheme of things, being short a measly eye isn't so bad, is it? While it may be preferable to death, what's so heartbreaking is that it's because of Xander's loyalty to Buffy, his willingness to follow her anywhere, and motivate others to do so, that got him in this predicament. Buffy was a hothead, frustrated with the desperate nature of her situation, and tired of feeling like the lone protector to a bunch of teenyboppers who can't pull their weight. Her decision to go down to the vineyard was rash and foolhardy. While in the midst of war, a general doesn't have time for Kumbayas or cupcakes or hospital card games, the fact that Buffy couldn't bring herself to apologize to Xander at the hospital was appalling. He is her emotional white knight, and if nothing else, he can make light of any situation. So when he tries to riff with Willow about pirate peg-leg jokes, and just can't bring himself to keep going, you know things are seriously wrong.

HOT! The sweet pleasure that is Caleb


The only shitty thing about this character is how little time we get to spend with him. But I'll takes what I can get! When he's not beating the crap out of her, Caleb really knows which of Buffy's buttons to push. She's never had to lead, or be strong, in front of this many people before, and really she's terrified she's in over her head. That maybe, at her core, is not a strong Slayer, but a scared woman. That vulnerability is immediately counter-balanced by the warrior in Buffy, determined to silence the frightened, and lash out, do something violent, hit someone, even if that is the worst possible plan. Also, how damn sexy is Nathan Fillion's southern accent? Oooh, who wouldn't want to be tied up in that vineyard, with Caleb whispering sweet, misgynistic nothings in your ear? Totally not me! No siree bob, Caleb does not turn me on at all.

HOT! My new favourite Odd Couple


Yup, it's Spike and Andrew. They really are perfect for each other. Andrew is a submissive. He loves having a big strong man -- or, when they are in short supply, Warren -- tell him what to do. Spike is perfect for that role, especially because he's not looking for an underling to worship him. He just needs someone who can do a bare-bones job of watching his back. I was so proud of Andrew when he kicked the monk that attacked Spike. What I love about this pairing is that Spike doesn't feel the need to treat Andrew like shit...unlike the rest of the Scoobies. Andrew has never really wronged Spike so there's a clean slate there. I could totally see a Spike and Andrew spinoff. It could be part supernatural hero show/part cooking show. Who knew Spike was so full of bloomin' onion life hacks?

NOT! Paging Dr. Holden



Buffy really shouldn't have staked that former classmate of hers. She could have totally kept him chained up in the basement, and gone down every day to have a daily session with him. He would totally remind her that she has a major superiority complex, and having to slip into the role as general hasn't helped much. Buffy actually did have a stroke of genius when she figured out that neither Caleb nor the First was guarding the Seal. They're at the vineyard, so what could possibly be there? While Buffy has a point, that they can't have a democracy with 300 potentials, she should at least run her plans through with the core Scoobies. But it's because she thinks, as the Slayer, she's better than the others, that they just follow her blindly -- or in Xander's case, half blindly -- into Mission Impossible 2...and nobody liked that movie. Honestly, I completely side with the rest of the Scoobies At this point, Buffy just ain't fit to lead. Buuuuut....

NOT! Follow the leader




Neither is Faith. REALLY? Faith? The girl has only recently renewed her subscription to Sanity Fair. While she is an invaluable asset and awesome for Potential morale, Buffy has a point. Getting the girls drunk and into cop fights isn't going to prepare them for battle. Honestly, I think that Giles should take the role. He's been a Watcher before, and now that he's over his Spike vendetta, he is the one who is most levelheaded. It's just a shitty situation, really. And while I agree with the overthrowing of Buffy, I thought it was brutal that they threw her to the curb. What should have happened is that the Potentials should have been dismissed to their quarters, and the core Scoobies, plus Faith and Wood, should have remained to handle the transition. The option should have been presented to Buffy that she can assume a demoted rank. A tear-stained Buffy tells Faith not to be afraid to lead them. We'll see if that advice comes to fruition.

FASHION SLAYER! Woman of the house


Check out the little bit all dressed up in big sister's clothes. Dawn was all kinds of sexy in her red top she wore to the Bronze. Other than the 'Potential' episode, Dawn's situation has really been an under-reported story this season. She's really alone, with Buffy busy yelling at the Potentials and making moon eyes at Spike. Dawn gets the odd words of comfort from Xander, but the poor girl gets admonished when she asks about his condition at the hospital. The fact that Dawn can still put on a happy face, lend a helping hand to Giles's research, party with the annoying bitches who have taken over her bedroom and her life, and have the courage to become alpha dog of Camp Summers is amazing. Pulling all that off and looking that sexy is extraordinary.

That's all for me this week, my lovely readers.What did you think of the episode? Is Buffy losing it? Think Faith can be a good leader? Anybody ready to get behind my Spike and Andrew show? Post a comment and let me know. Check in every Tuesday for my last few Buffy blogs. The end is nigh.

Dish later;
Liz

Monday, 8 August 2016

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 7.18 Dirty Girls

The Dish: We’re all just a bunch of dirty girls.

HOT! Helpless horror movie victim


I knew I would love this episode, starting with that killer opening scene. It’s been famously noted that Joss Whedon’s concept behind ‘Buffy’ is that he wanted to depict a feminist reversal of the classic trope of the beautiful young woman being chased by the monster. But the opening scene of ‘Dirty Girls’ is that classic scene where that poor Potential runs screaming through the woods, pursued by the Bringers. But then we get one better, and the helpless girl is aided by a kindly preacher man. Or not. Any way you slice it – so to speak – the girl is absolutely powerless at the hands of stronger men. It’s around this time in the ‘Buffy’ seasons where things get dark. This is around the time where Jenny got killed, Faith went to the dark side, Dawn was outed as the Key, etc. This scene questions the entire girl power concept that is the Slayer, and at the end, while Buffy isn’t bleeding out in the street, she’s every bit as much that lost little girl.

NOT! Dirty Boy


Um, yeah, Xander’s dream sequence? Other than giving Rachel Bilson, aka the pride of Orange County, her fourth credited onscreen appearance, what the hell? Thematically, it makes sense, seeing as how the episode is called ‘Dirty Girls’. Character-wise it makes total sense, because Xander has always lusted after the unattainable, be it Buffy, teachers, or Potentially underage girls. And this ain’t our first rodeo with Xander’s dreams of  the menage-a-trois – Willow and Tara in schoolgirl outfits comes thrusting back to mind. I mean, Xander had been celibate for a whole year, only to have a basement boink-fest with Anya. That’s gotta up a guy’s libido. But does this really make sense plot-wise? The only purpose I can see it serving is to show us that there are so many Potentials, they have to house the overflow at Xander’s. Also, many of the other Scoobies have gotten their ‘centric’ episodes, but Xander hasn’t. ‘Dirty Girls’ is a real doozy for Xander, a real jawdropper – or eye gauger, as it were. But we don’t have a ton of time to stay on the poor ‘seer’ of the group, what with both Faith and Caleb in town. So I guess the logic is, Xander’s about to lose his eye, let’s give him a boner? I guess, on principal, I have to be okay with this.

HOT! Cain is back, and Abel ain’t happy


For so many characters, this season has been all about redemption. Yes, I’m talking to you, Spike, Andrew, Willow, and Anya. Why not throw one more in there? Way back in Season 4, when Faith took over Buffy’s body, it really awoke the brunette Slayer’s conscience, and she really wants back into Team Good Guy. How adorable was it when Faith’s eyes light up, when for one brief moment she wondered ‘am I the good Slayer now?’. I dig how Faith is on a mission to right her wrongs, but she’s doing it completely on her terms. She’s not about to throw herself at Buffy’s feet and beg for mercy. Just the opposite, she’s still gonna be that wily coyote who nabs Buffy’s stake for her first kill back in Sunnydale. Obviously, and literally, there is a ton of bad blood between the two Slayers. But the both need each other, and what’s interesting is that while Faith has no problem admitting it, it really pours salt on Buffy’s wounds.

HOT! Faith and Spike, sitting in a basement, F-U-C-….well, you get the idea


The sexual tension between Faith and Spike in that basement scene was so orgasmically wet, you could slip n’ slide all over the place. These two have a level of mutual respect and identification with each other that Buffy will never be able to achieve – talk about pouring salt. In so many ways, Faith and Spike are exactly alike. Both started out innocents (more or less), went to the dark side, find violence therapeutic, had a change of hard, are on a quest for redemption. I’ve said it before – how fucking hot would they be in bed together? 


But I also wonder if their similarities would make the act less about sex, and more about masturbation. It’s funny, sometimes sexual tension can be waaay more erotic than the act of lovemaking – or jackrabbit style boning. Buffy sure picked up on it.

NOT! General Buffy


Oh Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. Methinks our OG Slayer is starting to crack under the pressure, and in many ways I feel sorry for her. While she has outlived many Slayers before her, let’s keep in mind, the woman is only twenty-two. Slayer strength or not, I doubt I could lead an army now, let alone back then. But times are tough, and Buffy has to rise to the occasion. Sure, it may be easy to arm-chair quarterback her decision to go after Caleb, but just about every Scooby was also telling her it was a bad idea. While, Wood has a point, that the girls need to be in real battle scenarios, it was stupid to go after an unknown force. The found a whole mass of Bringers, why not kidnap a couple, toss ‘em in the basement, and pit the Potentials against them? And moreover, just last week, Wood went rogue against the group. Nobody really knows him. Between Giles and Buffy, why does everyone put his advice over those of people they have known for years? And URGH, I wanted to sock Buffy in the kisser when she delivered that biting comment to Giles about staying with the girls who still ‘need a teacher’. Get it together, girl.

NOT! Eye eye, Captain


Maybe if Buffy would have listened to the others, she would still have her dignity, Rona would have her arm bones intact, and, oh yeah, Xander would have BOTH HIS FUCKING EYES! What’s so crushing about this is that Xander was the one standing up for Buffy ahead of all the Scoobies. His speech about Buffy’s loyalty and strength on the battlefield moved me to tears, just like Andrew. And sentiments aside, it was a great move, militaristically. Even though like the others, Xander doesn’t believe in this plan, all higher ranking officers must show a united front before the troops, or else they’ll end up fighting like lambs being led to the slaughter. And man alive, did Xander pay the price for that loyalty.

HOT! The misogynistic preacher man


Let’s really talk Caleb, shall we? While we got a little of his background story – that he was, in fact, a man of the Lord, before he gave it up to join the more powerful dark side – we don’t really know much about him. Is he human? When Buffy went up against him, it gave me flashbacks to her first bout with Adam. And he was a bloody demon robot. What is Caleb? While I’m dripping wet with curiosity – and maybe something else – I’m actually totally cool not knowing all the dirty details of Caleb’s past. That puts him up there with the like of the Joker, or Anton Chigurh in ‘No Country for Old Men’. And while Caleb may have Adam-level strength, he also has Mayor-level charm. I love his dry wit as he completely obliterates Potentials and Scoobies alike. He may be late to the party, but somebody get the man a hat, because he is more than welcome.

FASHION SLAYER! Faith the Good (Dresser)


While it may be debatable if Faith has achieved ‘good Slayer’ status, her wardrobe definitely gives her this week’s Fashion Slayer award. Every time Faith comes back to town, she always looks rough-and-tumble chic in contrast to Buffy’s ‘tight-ass with no sense of fun’. Faith has definitely toned it down from her Slut-o-Rama days, but I dig the body-flattering red tank and simple denim jacket. She just needs a pair of rubber gloves to help Buffy remove that pole from her ass.

That’s all for me this week, my lovely readers. What did you think of the episode? Faith’s redemption, on the right track or too little too late? Where do you rank Caleb on your villain’s list? Faith and Spike – friend zone fun or fabulous as fuck buddies? Post a comment and let me know. Check in every Tuesday for my latest Buffy blog.

Dish later;

Liz

Monday, 1 August 2016

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 7.17 Lies My Parents Told Me

The Dish: How could you use a poor Spikey so?

NOT! Losing my Wood


As much as I've been a Wood supporter -- kinda have to support a fella who's in my spank bank -- and as intrigued as I've been by this historical drama-rama with Spike killing Nikki, and Wood wanting to avenge her, I didn't enjoy this smackdown as much as I thought I would. Big picture speaking, Buffy is right when she told Wood there's no time for vendettas. Emotionally speaking, I completely sympathize with Wood. However... Wood has always been down to earth, sometimes ready with a bone-dry quip. In other words likable. But in the basement scene with Giles, he spoke with the gravitas of a Bond villain. Add that to the fact that we've only known Wood for less than a season, but we've known, loved, and in many cases, jerked off to Spike for a long time now. Wood's vendetta needs to make like his mummy and stay dead.

NOT! My mummy's better than your mummy!



Yeah. About that "smackdown". Remember the knock-down, drag-out fights Buffy would have with Angel or Faith or Spike himself? How on the edge of your seat were those? Wtf was that Spike vs. Wood bout? It was like Wood had the upper hand because he had the element of surprise, then Spike had the upper hand because he's Spike and a badass. Then Spike won. Oh, but let's not forget that verbal one-two punch Spike delivered at the end of it all. 'My mummy loved me and yours didn't love you!' Ooooh, #feeltheburn.

NOT! Giles the Gullible


While I am overjoyed and over-orgasmed to see Giles back, I really need to know why the bloody hell he was so eager to hop into bed with Wood? Okay, as I type that, it actually sounds kinda nice. Get your mind out of the gutter, Liz! I get that Giles has a big ole boner for eliminating Spike, and an ally with the same goal is all too tantalizing. But he knew Wood for a grand total of five minutes before getting on board to kill Spike. Did anyone notice if they touched? How does Giles know Wood isn't an agent of the first? It seems very rash for the Giles I know and masturbate to. To me it would make more sense for Giles to consult with the other Scoobies, like Xander and Anya. Xander hates Spike as much as Giles, and we saw in this episode that Anya resents Spike's bad boy hall pass. Maybe Kennedy and her noxious demeanor has pushed Giles to the breaking point. That's the only way this makes sense.

NOT! Buffy's blindspot


While I disagree with Giles's choice of ally, home-bro Watcher has a point. When it comes to Spike, Buffy can't see straight. Funny, I think Willow said the same thing to her about Angel. While Spike is hella strong, he really is too much of a violent liability to let run free. Buffy says to Wood 'I don't have time for vendettas'. But she certainly has time to play nursemaid to Spike instead of, I don't know, TRAIN THE BLOODY POTENTIALS. You may not have time for vendettas, Buffy, but the world doesn't have time for your infatuation.

NOT! That hat


Barf.

HOT! Willow + Fred = Nerdgasm



Being a real life nerd girl, I absolutely love them on TV. While no character in the history of the world holds a candle to my Willow, Fred is up there with the best of them. I just wish we could see them hang out together. Hey, if Wood has time for a vendetta, and Buffy has time to moon over Spike, why can't these two have time to nerd-bro down? Damn you WB and UPN!!

FASHION SLAYER! Brokeback Giles



Umm, where exactly did Giles return from? True, he's a far cry from his tweed suits of the early days, but it looks like he raided Ennis Del Mar's wardrobe. And it works! Congrats for winning the Fashion Slayer award.

What did you think of the episode? Has your Wood gone soft? Think Buffy needs to pull her head out of the teen magazines and work on saving the world? Wish you were a fly on the wall when Willow met Fred? Post a comment and let me know. Check in every Tuesday for my latest Buffy blog.

Dish later;
Liz

Monday, 25 July 2016

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 5.16 Storyteller

The Dish: Why can't Andrew just masturbate like the rest of us?

HOT! Andrew the Storyteller



Boy, Andrew really is damned if does, damned if he doesn't with the Scooby Gang, isn't he? I mean really, we're talking about a bunch of twenty-somethings who have been ostracized and alienated throughout their entire adolescence. Now they're doing the same thing to poor old Andrew. Okay, now I'm that I've dropped that mic, I'll hop down off my soapbox.


This episode was a barrel of fun for me. Like Andrew, I am a storyteller by trade and I really envied his childlike abilitiy to create fantastical interpretations of events -- even if some were bananapants ridiculous. The boy had me in stitches, like with his pronunciations of 'vamp-IRES', and I must say, I really enjoyed being addressed as a 'gentle viewer'.


While all the others were acting like bitchy older sisters in 80s teen movies -- 'Like, oh my god, get out of my room! You're ruining my life' -- I sided with Spike on the whole Video-Gate debacle. That is to say, if it keeps Andrew occupied and out of everyone's hair, what's the big bloody deal? Sure, it's a pain when he hogs the washroom, but him playing with his whiteboard in the basement -- heyo! -- means he's not begging to go on patrol. Furthermore, I think having footage of all things to do with the final battle is a net positive. It can help the girls train, and Anya has a point, that they are doing some serious history-making shit here. There should be proper documentation. And internally, Andrew and his silly tapes actually does a lot for morale and strengthening relationships. The only downside is when he turns into...

NOT! Andrew the Liar



While it's one thing to over-hype the sex appeal that is breakfast, it's another to paint yourself as a flawless hero when you've done a lot of awful, destructive things like Andrew. While he's sworn up and down that he's sorry, it's only been as a knee-jerk reaction to appeal to the Scoobies not to hurt him/let him join the group. Andrew's never really atone for all the creepy-ass shit he did under Warren's command or over the fact that he killed his best fucking friend. As much as I enjoyed watching the Trio prance around a flower field in togas -- they came this close to winning the Fashion Slayer award -- Andrew lying to himself is psychological regression. He's not a man owning up to his mistakes; he's a boy playing Superman. Even though his big character breakthrough was hella-cheesy, I'm glad that Andrew realized his flaws for himself and was able to move on. Even if it means no more carpentry porn.

HOT! Spike the Ham



Having someone stick a camera in your face can be a fairly polarizing experience. For some of us, it can be uncomfortable, intrusive, and downright annoying, but the rest of us bask in the spotlight, with 'Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my closeup' enthusiasm. While Spike may put on a good show, and act like he's the former, we see he's really the latter, in a hilarious scene where he rehearses his bad boy, 'get that camera out of my face!' schtick with Andrew. Makes sense, because if there's two things we know about Spike, it's that he likes to play the rebel, and that playing the rebel don't mean shit if there's nobody around to watch. Spike's storylines have leaned towards the ploddingly heavy so it was nice to see some comedy with the Buffyverse's newest odd couple.

HOT! Basement sex can be confusing...



While some people at Camp Summers are all about the PDA, like Willow and Scarlett O'Hate-Ya, things are a little more gray area for others, like Anya and Xander. Once again, annoying Andrew with his stupid camera proves to do a lot of good. In an interview with the last surviving member of the Trio, the former betrothed couple are point-blank asked about their feelings, and forced to confront them. Nine months ago, it was simple. Anger and guilt, boom. But thanks to Andrew's social awkwardness, Xander and Anya are finally able to confess the truth, that they still love each other. It was a really sweet moment, and I don't blame Andrew for watching it over and over and over on his camera. Hey, anytime Spike does anything remotely sexy, I back up ten seconds on Netflix. And the poor, sex-starved Anya finally got some whoopie in the basement. But just like their first time together, back in the Harris basement, things are hella more confusing than before they mashed junk.

HOT! Breakfast at Andrew's



As I sit here writing this, it's morning. My hair is unwashed and tied into a messy bun, my breath is a cocktail of morning and coffee, and I'm wearing a twelve-year-old Livestrong tee that I refuse to get rid of because it's so comfy. But thanks to Andrew, I choose to believe I look like this in the morning:


NOT! Blood, jizz and tears



I really don't have too much to criticize this episode. The Hellmouth's greatest hits that were happening all over the high school were a little cloying, and went on a shy too long. But the one crow I have to pluck with 'Storyteller' is how they solved the problem, and closed the Seal of Danzalthar. Blood opened it, so tears must close it? Really? That's a little too cheesy fairy tale for me. And how are tears the opposite of blood? In most cases, shedding either is a bad thing. If the Seal really needed the opposite of bloodshed, shouldn't it be jizz, aka the happiest bodily fluid of all? Come on, give Andrew a little mood lighting, maybe a picture of Warren, and just let him jerk off all over the Seal. Maybe it would offend the delicate constitution that is network television, but I think I'm onto something here.

HOT! Fashion Slayer



Two words: smoking jacket. Case closed.

That's all for me this week, my lovely readers. What did you think of the episode? Did you enjoy Andrew Spielberg's shenanigans? Wonder where the hell he was when Xander and Anya were going at it in the basement? Ready to grab two of your besties, a few bed sheets, and prance around in a field declaring you are gods? Post a comment and let me know. Check in every Tuesday for my latest Buffy blog.

Dish later;
Liz