My lovely readers, I have often said that if the Oscars are like mad-hot monkey sex, the Golden Globes are like the best damn foreplay you’ve ever had. They rev you up, and get you all hot and bothered for what’s to come. Well, it’s time to light a scented candle, put on some smooth jazz, and lower your pants, because as of 5:15 PST this morning, the 2017 Golden Globe nominations were announced, and here are my hot takes:
The Moonlight shines in La La Land
As expected, La La Land and Moonlight reigned supreme, leading the pack with a respective 7 and 6 nominations. I think, hope, and pray that these flicks will helm a quiet, controversy-free year, because between the two of them, they really cover all the bases. More traditional fans will be pleased because La La Land is the whitest movie ever, and it’s looking like Moonlight will satisfy Oscar fans looking for some diversity after two years of #OscarsSoWhite, a hashtag I would happily see retired for good.
The early bird may get the worm, but Nocturnal Animals get the glory
Nocturnal Animals had been tossed around as a potential for a nomination here or there, but from what I heard, it was always middle of the pack. It was a dark arthouse film, and I thought that its only real shot was Best Supporting Actor for Michael Shannon’s comic relief performance. But it was once, twice, three times a success with Tom Ford achieving nominations in both the Directing and Screenplay categories, and dark, dark horse Aaron Taylor Johnson nabbing the Best Supporting Actor nod.
Garfield reconciles with Mondays…at least this Monday
If you’re anything like me, the question of Andrew Garfield’s nomination fate reminded you of the climactic scene in the dog-playing-basketball, childhood classic Air Bud. In an effort to determine who should have custody of Buddy, a judge – yes, a fucking judge – had the pooch sit square in the middle between his abusive clown master and the sweet little boy, and whoever the nothing-but-net doggy pranced over to would be awarded custody? Well in this metaphor, Garfield’s the dog, and we have Hacksaw Ridge at one end, Silence at the other. I really thought things would go in favor of Silence, because usually anything Scorsese is automatic awards-show candy, but it would appear that pacifist soldiers trump missionaries who need a haircut, because Garfield and Ridge got all kinds of love this morning.
There’s no such thing as bad publicity…if you’re Mel Gibson
Okay, I can understand Garfield’s nomination, and Hacksaw Ridge’s stellar reviews mean that my mouth wasn’t exactly agog when it got nominated for Best Drama. But Mel Gibson? I really didn’t think Hollywood was ready to let him out of the penalty box. Especially because these are sensitive times, and the college rape scandal surrounding Nate Parker totally black-balled Birth of a Nation’s chances of any awards-show glory.
To me, shutting out The Birth of a Nation, but awarding Hacksaw Ridge is like being cleared of a cancer scare, only to get hit by a bus. I really thought I was out of the woods for long, dramatic historical flicks. Both of these movies are on what my podcasting buddy Martin Lastrapes and I dub ‘The Schindler’s List List’. That is, movies well over two hours that take place in depressing historical times. Think slavery, the Holocaust, or any war. I’m sure Ridge is very good, Garfield is a tour de force, and blahdy blahdy blah. I do not like war movies, and I am not pleased. If you want to help, the Liz Needs Wine foundation is now accepting donations of bottle of Toasted Head Chardonnay.
Wolowitz: An Underdog Story
While I am still smarting over the abundance of love that Hacksaw Ridge received, I am grinning ear-to-ear about Simon Helberg’s Best Supporting Actor nod for Florence Foster Jenkins. His performance positively tickled me pink, and it really looked like he would be overshadowed by Hugh Grant’s magnanimous return to the screen, and Meryl Streep being Meryl Streep. I’m not confident this nod will spill over to the Oscars, but I’m pleased he got a little HFPA love.
Young lady blood runs deep
In more shocking news, I was reaching for my smelling salts at the Best Supporting Actress nominations of young ingénues Hailee Steinfeld (The Edge of Seventeen) and Lily Collins (Rules Don’t Apply). While Seventeen, and Steinfeld’s performance, garnered a ton of critical acclaim, it seemed to be viewed as more of a teen classic than an awards-show contender. As for Rules, it opened to tepid reviews and I think fewer than ten people actually saw it, because it’s already out of most theatres. I thought the awards well ran dry, but apparently not.
Also, with all this millennial love, I’d be pretty damn pissed if I was Lucas Hedges. The young actor was one of the stronger bets to get the Supporting nod for his multi-faceted performance in Manchester by the Sea, but just like his character, Hedges is SOL.
NBC proudly declares This Is Us!
Last year, it was somewhat of a running joke that NBC, the host of the Golden Globes, was the only major network not to have any Globe nominations. Really, NBC is definitely the ‘…and Peggy’ of the big three networks, so the love for This Is Us must be welcomed with open arms. I’ve never seen it, so I can’t give my personal take on the show’s quality, though I’ve only heard good things. It’s on my ‘To-Watch’ list along with about 647 other shows.
So many actresses, so much Drama
Okay, both the aforementioned This Is Us and Game of Thrones were nominated in the Best TV Drama Category. Not Best Limited TV Release/TV Movie, right? I’m not crazy? So then why did Mandy Moore, Chrissy Metz, and Lena Headey wind up getting nominations for Best Actress in Limited TV Release/TV Movie? Really, TV has never been better, and we have never seen such rich, meaty roles for women. Is it possible that there was just so much female dramatic talent gracing our airwaves that this is just spill-over? It strikes me as kind of odd, considering what a stickler the Golden Globes are when it comes to proper nominations. After all, between them, the SAGs, and the Oscars, the Globes were the only ones who put their foot down with last year’s Alicia Vikander/Rooney Mara category fraud controversy. I feel like I’m missing something. Does anybody know WTF is happening?
There you have it my lovely readers. My hot takes for this year’s Golden Globe nominations. As always, I am itching to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment. Please clear up this TV actress conundrum. Please give me wine so I can get through Hacksaw Ridge. See you next time for my reaction to the Oscar nods.