Tuesday, 24 March 2015

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 4.15 This Year's Girl

The Dish: Waking up after an eight-month coma means one thing...and it ain't morning wood.



Having some down time in a coma does absolutely nothing to quell a grudge. In the depths of the Sunnydale Hospital, comatose Faith dreams of helping Buffy prepare for the arrival of a little sister. All the while, the bitchin' knife hangs out of Faith's gut, a reminder of the good Slayer's betrayal.


In the real world, Riley decides he's sick of staring at Buffy's ugly bandanna in the hospital, and leaves, much to Dickwad Forrest's dismay. Meanwhile, Buffy moons over Riley in Xander's basement, as the ex-Halloween soldier tries to fix the faulty blaster. Willow helps out by wearing an ugly hat.


Man alive, Faith's psyche is just jumpin' and jivin'. This time she's having a delightful picnic with the Mayor, until Buffy the Bitch shows up and straight up slices the Mayor, again with the bitchin' knife. Sweetheart Faith crawls for her life!


Scared about this new Frankenstein's hottie monster on the loose, the Scoobies go Adam-hunting. They don't find him, but find that he's left a flayed demon in the woods. Looks like he's studying anatomy. How diligent. They reconvene at Xander's, hyper-freaked and ready to storm the Initiative to get Riley back. Speak of the boring-ass vanilla devil, Riley shows up. He's ready to kick a little Adam ass with Buffy.


Back in Faith-Dreamland, Faith is still being pursued by Buffy. Though the blonde Slayer seems to be right on Faith's tail, Faith somehow managed to change clothes. She flees from Buffy in her usual slut-bomb attire, only to fall into an open grave. Durr, durr. Buffy jumps in and it starts to rain. Suddenly, Faith emerges, having conquered Buffy. That's when actual Faith WAKES UP.


Faith wanders the hospital disoriented. She thinks it's still Graduation Day. Spotting a visitor, Faith questions her and finds out that she has been comatose for eight months. While Faith may not believe in shooting the messenger, she certainly has no qualms about beating the shit out of her and stealing her clothes. She leaves the hospital post-hasty. No word on what she did with the teddy bear.


While Riley questions what it means to be a soldier for the nine-billionth time, the nurse in the coma ward is in pretty hot water at having let a murderous patient escape. After the detective leaves in a huff, the harrangued nurse calls an unknown source and tells them 'It's happened. Send the team.' And they should look at none other than the main drag, as Faith wanders it in plain sight, staring longingly at a way too happy father and daughter.


That coma must have given Faith super-hearing. She skulks around Giles's, and overhears the gang talking about Adam, through a CLOSED BLOODY WINDOW. That's when the gang gets the call about the woken Faith. The rogue Slayer runs off, but not before noticing Buffy with boy-toy Riley. This ruffles Faith's feathers a little, as the reason why she was put in the coma in the first place was so Buffy could save ex-boyfriend Angel. So logically, instead of evading capture and arrest, Faith turns up at UC Sunnydale to give Buffy a piece of her mind. With her fist.


The cops show up on campus, but Faith hightails it outta there. Willow warns buddy Tara, and Xander and Giles go looking for her, but all they find is a crabby Spike. At the hospital, a helicopter lands and a bunch of scary-looking men in leather jackets are greeted by the nurse.


Maybe those men will be better at finding Faith than the eternally stupid cops. Faith yet again takes to the main drag. She evades them and is cornered by a demon with a package for her from the Mayor -- tragically, it has nothing to do with his giant snake. It contains a video and a weird gizmo. In the video, the hilariously delightful Mayor explains to Faith that while she was comatose, they lost the fight and the Ascension did not happen. Also, due to things like killing a bunch of people, there's really no place for Faith in the world. That's where the gizmo comes in.


While Buffy fills Riley in on the whole Faith story, taking care to exclude the Angel parts, Faith continues her I Hate Buffy crusade. Next stop: Joyce Summers. Faith arrives and knocks Joyce out. She holds her prisoner in the bedroom while trying on her lipstick and taunting her about Buffy's lack of giving a shit for her mom, now that she's a fancypants college girl. Ballsy Joyce assures Faith that Buffy will in fact burst in at any moment and save the day. And sure enough, the good Slayer comes crashing through the window. It's Buffy vs. Faith Round 2!


The Summers house bears the brunt of the abuse as Buffy and Faith make the rounds, battling it out. Faith puts on her shiny new toy and grabs Buffy. Lots of lights and pyrotechnics...but a big fat nothing happens.



Buffy takes the opportunity to punch Faith the eff out. With rogue Slayer unconscious, Joyce runs to her daughter and asks if she's okay. Buffy's eyes maniacally light up and she replies, 'five by five'. HOLY SHIT! FAITH SWITCHED BODIES WITH BUFFY!




Liz's BITES:
* This is the second time in Season 4 -- the first being when Spike came back -- that an old villain has been reintroduced, and I have to say, I'm excited. Especially because Season 4 hottie-villain Adam just ain't doing if for me. The first half of the episode was bore-snore -- Adam is dangerous and must be stopped, rinse, repeat. Thought I did enjoy Faith's dreams. It's clear the slut-bomb psycho perceives things quite differently from Buffy, the Scoobies, and reality in general. Faith believes she had this lovely, perfect father-daughter relationship with the Mayor, and Buffy just obliterated it. Faith, hun, did you really think you could for picnics with dear old Fake Dad when he was a giant snake? Either way, I was tickled pink to see Faith and Buffy go at it again -- those two ladies know how to throw down! And let me say, super-cool 'Freaky Friday' twist at the end. The one person Faith hates more than anyone is the one person she wants to be...


* Just where exactly is the coma ward in Sunnydale Hospital? In a freaking cave? Is it in the same building as Tara's dorm?


* Looks like Tara graduated to an above-ground friend, as Willow deemed her important enough to be warned about the dangerous Faith, and even made Tara her hunting buddy. That's so five by five. But really, I get it, Tara'a shy and adorable. Hun, 'violence' is not a dirty word. Just say it instead of doing that 'look how cute I am' punching gesture. Seriously, you're a grown woman.


* Speaking of annoying, last episode they set up a wonderful storyline for Spike with the entire Sunnydale demon community after him, but this week, he's just out for an evening stroll along the main drag. Though I do like the idea of Spike hunting down Faith. They would totes have crazy, hot monkey sex.


* Kinda like Giles and Joyce, 'Band Candy'-style? They should really start that up again. It's been long since established that Giles hasn't got anything happening and Joyce is lonely in her empty nest. Let's find these two crazy kids a cop car!


* And remember to wear the Harlot lipstick. Faith wins the Fashion Slayer award for her slut-bomb outfit she wears when she storms the Summers home. She's bringing sexy back, and 'Buffy' needs it!


That's all for me this week, my lovely readers. What did you think of the episode? Thrilled to see Faith up and at 'em? Think Faith and Spike would be dynamite in the sack? And that Giles and Joyce should get themselves some band candy? Post a comment and let me know. Check in every Tuesday for my latest Buffy blog.

Dish later;
Liz

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 4.14 Goodbye Iowa

The Dish: 'The army's after us! Orgy in Xander's basement?'



The jury's in, and they find the Initiative...EVIL. Buffy catches the Scoobies up on her near brush with death, courtesy of one Maggie Walsh. The gang speculates why Maggie wanted Buffy dead, and Spike questions if Riley was in on it. Speak of the nice-guy devil, Riley shows up looking for Buffy, confused at recent events. That confusion turns into anger when Riley learns that Buffy and crew have essentially been harbouring Spike, aka Hostile 17. The poor soldier lad can't make heads or tails of what's happening, but he refuses to believe Maggie is guilty of murder. He leaves in a huff.


Too bad Maggie can't answer any of Riley's questions, on account of her being dead as a door nail. After killing her, Adam the experiment leaves the Initiative -- really bloody easily -- and goes for a stroll in the woods. He meets a little boy who asks Adam what the skewers in his arms are meant for. Stupid question, kid. It's the last one you'll ever ask...


The Scooby Gang hides out in Xander's basement, trying to figure out their next move. While Giles and Anya bicker, Buffy worries about Riley. Xander bursts in and puts on the news, and that's when the gang hears about the dead kid. This motivates Buffy to come out of hiding and kick a little Polgara demon ass -- just not in her Yummy Sushi pajamas.



Riley finds out about Maggie's murder and is completely devastated. He believes the fatal stab wounds to be the work of the recently-captured Polgara demon. Forrest has another theory that Maggie was staked...by Buffy. He and Riley almost come to blows, but when they break it up, Riley disobeys Dr. Angelman's orders to stay put, and orders the commandos to go hunt the Polgara demon. The boys don't find anything, though Forrest and Graham come dangerously close to finding Spike in his crypt.


Buffy goes to the scene of the kid's murder and runs into Riley. He's gone from heartbroken to angry and irrational, and goes so far as to accuse Buffy of being happy about Maggie's death. She is outraged at the accusation, but still vows to kill the Polgara demon.


Wanting to help find the Polgara, Willow enlists Tara to perform a spell that locates demon energy. Tara worries the spell may be too advanced for them, but Willow insists they can do it. Though Tara agrees, during the spell, she throws away the magic dust needed to complete it. A fat lot of nothing happens, and Willow is discouraged.


At a loss, Buffy goes to Willy's bar to see if the weasel has heard anything about the Polgara demon. Riley shows up there too, and continues his verbal attack on Buffy, accusing her of fraternizing with demons. Riley is getting out of control, and when an elderly human woman tries to leave, he pulls a gun on her. Buffy convinces Riley to back off and notices that he's shaking violently. Something is really wrong with him.


Buffy gets Riley to Xander's basement. He's in rough shape, scratching at himself and questioning everything he knows. Buffy gives him her bandanna as a bandage, and she is mega-worried. She decides to infiltrate the Initiative with Xander to find out what's happening to her man. They gain easy access and overhear Dr. Angelman saying that all the commandos are on drugs to make them strong. With Maggie dead, the drugs haven't been administered, hence Riley's condition. He's basically going through withdrawal...and it could kill him.


The same thing could happen to Spike, if the demon community has anything to do with it. After the blondie bear goes to Willy's for a drink, he gets his ass handed to him by a, ahem, horny demon. Turns out ole Horns doesn't approve of Spike lending his services to the Slayer and her do-gooder friends. Demons take care of their own.


Too bad the same can't be said for humans. Riley's withdrawal sends him into hyper-paranoia. When he wakes up and discovers Buffy's gone to the Initiative, he freaks out and violently SHOVES Willow out of the way. He gets to the Initiative and barges in on Buffy interrogating Angelman. Confused and sick, Riley doesn't know what to believe. That's when Adam shows up. He tells Riley that both of them are part of Maggie's master plan. Riley freaks out and tries to fight him, getting cut with the Polgara skewer. Adam's also too strong for Buffy, and the experiment gone wrong kills Angelman, and hightails it out of the Initiative as the rest of the commandos burst in.


Of course Dickwad Forrest takes the opportunity to blame Buffy for everything. She insists Riley go to a real hospital, but that ain't gonna happen. He gets taken away to a military hospital, leaving Buffy hella-worried. She doesn't want her honey to be alone. But he's not. As he lays curled up in a ball, Riley clutches Buffy's bandanna close to his chest. Through detoxing sighs, he thinks 'God, I have to buy her some better accessories.'



Liz's BITES:
* So we get finally get to meet Adam, Project 314 himself. My views on him are mixed. The whole mutilating a kid thing definitely upped his scary, creepy factor, and being stronger than Buffy is always a plus. But what does Adam really want? The Master wanted to rise, and Angelus wanted to torture and kill Buffy. Even though we didn't know what the Ascension was initially, the Mayor was charming as hell and a fabulous villain to watch. Adam, on the other hand, is kind of robotic and quite frankly doesn't hold a candle to 'Mother' Maggie. Still, call me crazy -- you won't hurt my feelings -- I think Adam is bloody hot. If you can get past all that dead skin and greenness, he has a smoking hot body. I'd let him skewer me any day.


* Well, well. Turns out Maggie had Riley on the stuff, hmmm? You've gotta be made of stone not to feel for the guy. He's unsure if he can trust his girlfriend, he loses his mother-figure and the entire mission he's been working for may be dirty and corrupt...at the very hands of said mother-figure! Tough stuff. Man, how intense was that scene when Riley roid-raged out and pulled his gun on that old lady? But I have to admit, Aggro-Riley really turned me on. Where was all that roughness in the bedroom last week, Iowa Boy?


* Spike's storyline was small but enjoyable. As funny as he can be, I'm happy Spike is headed down a more serious path. He's too deep a character to be the punchline of the joke. Spike is really in a weird spot -- not accepted in the demon community, but not part of the Scooby Gang. He's kind of similar to Angel in that regard. But instead of whiny brooder, he's more kinky badass. Just how I like him.


* Check out Miss Sneaky-Pants Tara, intentionally sabotaging Willow's spell. Some friend! Still, I really do like her and her dynamic with Willow. But it's time to up the ante. So far all they do is perform spells -- if Tara doesn't muck them up, that is -- in Tara's cave dorm. Let's deepen this storyline, shall we?


* Without Maggie, the whole Initiative really seems to fall apart. She was not Buffy's only enemy there -- Angelman didn't trust her from go and Dickwad Forrest hates her guts. How on earth did two days go by without Buffy's security clearance getting revoked? And Adam was able to waltz in and out of the place like it was a freaking revolving door. Add Spike's escape and you've really got yourself a Mickey Mouse operation.


* Come on, Buffy, since when did soldiers and scientists become the Capulets and the Montagues? They should make out with each other, dammit.


* That harebrained makeout idea was one of the many reasons I loved Xander this episode. I was relieved almost to the point of tears that his skills actually got called upon to help out the Scoobies. And I loved it when he got all turned on by the masculine armyness of the Initiative -- 'Can I have sex with Riley too?' Still, I have to call bullshit at Xander not wanting to watch Buffy get a rectal exam. That horny little pizza boy would take any excuse to oggle Buffy in the buff.


* I'll say this for Buffy, the girl really knows how to love. Her concern and worry over Riley was really very touching. I welled up when she gave Riley her bandanna, and when he clung to it later. Though I must say, I think that gesture was less concern for her beau and more desperation to get rid of that tacky thing. It really was hideous.


* However, that fashion faux-pas aside, Buffy still wins the Fashion Slayer award. Maybe she wasn't intimidating, but she was cute as a button in her Yummy Sushi PJs.


That's all for me this week, my lovely readers. What did you think of Adam as a villain? Who's hotter -- Sweetheart Riley or Aggro-Riley? Have a craving for yummy sushi? Post a comment and let me know. Check in every Tuesday for my latest Buffy blog.

Dish later;
Liz

Tuesday, 10 March 2015

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 4.13 The I in Team

The Dish: 'Hey, remember that time we banged for the viewing pleasure of my deranged professor?'

You know when your best pal gets a new boyfriend and falls off the face of the earth? The Scooby Gang does big time, as an absent Buffy is sorely missed at poker night. She's too busy training with Riley and the commandos. They really seem to like Buffy -- except Forrest, dickwad -- but Maggie is growing concerned at Riley's attachment to the Slayer. Buffy is oblivious, and gushes about her new besties to Willow, who's missing her friend and growing a little jealous. Buffy tries to listen, but that Riley is just so damn cute...


After Giles squares up his debt to Spike from last week, Spike obnoxiously tells the former Watcher that he wants to forever sever ties with the Scooby Gang. As Spike breaks up with Giles, Buffy gets seduced by the Initiative as Riley and Professor Walsh show her around. Buffy meets the weaselly Dr. Angelman, head of the experiments lab. Buffy is curious, but gets pried away by Maggie. Even after almost destroying an expensive com-cam, Buffy is welcomed aboard Project Initiative.


Willow regretfully informs sad-puppy Tara that she can't do spells that night because she made plans with the Scoobies. Still, it really looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship. The same can't be said for Buffy and the Initiative. Maggie meets Dr. A in the mysterious Room 314. He doesn't like the Slayer, thinks she's a liability and will get in the way of their master plan. That's when he pulls back a sheet and reveals a massive, human-demon hybrid. Project 314's name is Adam, and Maggie assures her monster-baby his time has almost come...


It's Scooby Night at The Bronze. While Anya lets Xander loose so he can sell protein bars to buy her pretty things, Willow gets anxious -- Buffy is wicked late. Things don't get better when Buffy finally arrives...with the commandos in tow. Willow's feathers are officially ruffled and in a private moment with Buffy, she expresses concern that things are happening way too fast with the Initiative. Before Buffy can process this, the commandos' beepers sound off. They're wanted at headquarters.



Upon arrival, Maggie and Dr. A order the commandos to track down the dangerous Polgara demon. They are under strict instructions not to destroy the Polgara's arms, which have deadly skewers attached to them. Buffy doesn't understand why and proceeds to ask a flurry of questions, which really pisses off Maggie and the good doctor. They're not used to their underlings questioning orders.


The commandos split up and go a-hunting. Forrest and Graham spot Spike, aka Hostile 17, heading back to his new crypt. Spike gets away, but not before Graham shoots him with a tracking device. Meanwhile, Buffy and Riley's team track down the Polgara and Buffy makes quick work of immobilizing it. Turned on by a job well done, Buffy and Riley consummate their relationship. But little do they know they are being watched on camera. By Maggie.


Riley and Buffy are officially too close in Professor Walsh's book, and she needs to split them up. Permanently. After overseeing Dr. A give Adam some new Polgara arms, Maggie calls Riley away from his new lover and orders him and the guys to go after Hostile 17...who shows up at Giles's, begging the Scoobies for help. Giles agrees -- for a price -- and sets to work at extracting the tracker. Willow is enlisted to cast a spell to throw the commandos off the scent. She does a little too good of a job, but Giles still succeeds. The tracker gets flushed and Hostile 17 has yet again eluded commando capture.


With Riley out of the way, Maggie sends Buffy on a bullshit mission to investigate a 'low risk' demon in the sewers. When Buffy arrives, she's met with two humongous, ax-toting demons...the same ones Dr. A was experimenting on. Buffy is trapped in with the demons, and tries to fire her weapon. It's faulty. Looks like the Slayer is toast. Maggie watches this on the com-cam gleefully. It would appear our Slayer is dead.


But Buffy fights back and smartly kills the demons, unbeknownst to Maggie, who continues on with the last prong in her plan...break the news to Riley. The poor lug is shocked and heartbroken, but the news of the Slayer's death is greatly exaggerated. Behind Maggie, Buffy appears on the camera. And she declares war.


Buffy confirms the Scoobies' fears, that none of them are safe from the commandos. Riley feels the same way, and angrily leaves Maggie in the dust. So what's a girl to do but seek solace in her other son, Adam. Bad idea, Maggie. It's finally time for Adam to make a stab at the real world...right through Maggie's heart. Frankenstein's monster is on the loose.



Liz's BITES:
* Holy shit. This episode literally blew my socks off. Seriously, could someone help me find them? They were a gift. Anyways...RIP Maggie Walsh. What a badass villain ye were. In 'The I in Team', Maggie really put the 'death' in 'evil bitch monster of death'. Where to start? How about her sick and twisted relationship with Riley? You really get the idea that rather than care for him, Maggie wanted to control him, much like everything else around her. Allow me to put on my horny tin foil hat and ask...did anyone else sense some sexual jealousy over Riley's affections for Buffy? How freaking creepy was it when Maggie watched them bone? Maybe eliminating Buffy wasn't entirely for the sake of 314, but to get her out of Riley's bed. I got goosebumps when Maggie just calmly sipped coffee and watched Buffy get 'killed'. Dammit, I'm gonna miss her.


* Especially after Buffy just threatened her! Would that not have been the perfect freaking setup for an all-out war between them for the rest of the season? Plus then we would have finally had a female big bad. Gimme Dr. Frankenstein over the monster any day of the week. I'll admit, Adam does intrigue me a bit. But will he live up to his mommy? It'll all depend on what evil hi-jinks he gets up to.


* How about releasing that Buffy and Riley sex tape that Maggie recorded? Man, do I love me a good sex tape. Then again, Riley is a wee vanilla for my taste. Is anyone really shocked that his go-to position is missionary? I thought Buffy was supposed to punish him for the Twinkie-gate incident. C'mon, all the cool kids are gettin' spanked...even Anya and Xander. This less-than-surprising revelation ground my itsy-bitsy Riley crush into talcum powder. Gimme Spike and the shackles any day.


* Vanilla boredom aside, things are definitely coming up Buffy. She was super-adorable the morning after, when she was all relieved that Riley didn't pull a Poophead Parker and leave. And our Slayer was a ROCKSTAR, fighting a caged match against those ax-happy demons with nothing but a faulty weapon.


* Still...Buffy was showing shades of 'Bad Girls' with her dismissive attitude towards Willow and the gang. What, every time Buffy gets a shiny new fighting buddy, she forgets her real friends? Bitch. Still, I'll give the girl props for picking up on Willow's hurt feelings. Baby steps.


* I am thrilled that Willow has Tara in her life. It's really time for Willow to get out from under Buffy's shadow. Buuuut...it's two episodes now that Willow has lied about Tara to her friends. What gives, red? Only time will tell, wink wink.


* So, let me get this straight. It takes Hostile 17 waltzing right in front of the commandos to get them to remember -- DUH! We let this guy escape! -- is that right? Remember when Spike broke out of the Initiative? The commandos' Thanksgiving plans almost got cancelled, it was such a debacle. Then they conveniently just stopped caring. But joke's on them, because Spike and Giles blew the commandos a big fat raspberry, flushing the tracker. In your face! Especially yours, Forrest. Whiny little bitch.


* Now Xander is selling protein bars? He's been reduced to a one-note joke -- what zany, degrading job will he have next episode? I think Xander should revisit his stripping career. That would certainly get him more money to buy Anya pretty things. And me fodder for my spank-bank.


* If you don't know what a Fashion Slayer is, believe me when I say you're gonna find out. This week's winner is Buffy, for her patrol-friendly, sexy-as-Hellmouth halter top.


That's all for me this week, my lovely readers. What did you think of the episode? Who's a better villain -- Maggie or Adam? Wish Riley would kink things up with Buffy just a bit? Wish Adam would have killed Forrest instead of Maggie? Post a comment and let me know. Check in every Tuesday for my latest Buffy blog.

Dish later;
Liz